Anonymous
Control
poetry

This is a new pain,
One that no one knows.
No one has felt my agony,
No one has felt my despair.
No one knows of this new feeling,
A feeling more of life than death.
I am not afraid to die,
I am afraid to live.
But I do not want suicide,
What I want is to survive.
I want to live,
But I am afraid.
I am afraid of everything.
Nothing has escaped my worries,
Nothing has escaped my
Constant watch.
The watch of my eye,
My eagle’s eye.
Everything must feel my protection,
Everything must reach perfection.
If it doesn’t,
I will die.
And I will not be afraid.
I will welcome it with open arms,
And I will want to die.
I am perfect,
Everything I do is perfect,
And everything must be controlled.
I know it can,
I feel it must.
But here I am,
Dead.
Dead on the floor,
My worries are no more,
For now all is perfect,
In my mind.
I was once afraid
Of the world to not be immaculate,
For my actions to not be accurate.
But I am not anymore.
I am not afraid of anything,
I have closed the door.
The door to life
Is locked and sealed.
And in my perfect, genius head,
The world is perfect,
And has been seen,
Through my controlled mind.